Being a mom is more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined. Each one of my children reminds me of a certain point in my life and was given to me at that time for a specific reason. The Lord has His perfect timing. At times, I had felt it was the worst, and Mom said, “Everything will be OK…”
Gavin was our first. Adam and I had been married for a year when I found out I was pregnant. It was “planned” and we were so excited. I was going to be a MOM!! We went to doctor appointments together and had the ultrasound to find out we would be having a son. We felt his first kick, saw him move in my belly, and were excitedly anticipating his arrival.
At some point during that time the issues in our marriage began. Adam drifted, and the affairs started. I felt so alone, depressed, and was having second thoughts about my excitement of this child we were bringing into this world. Gavin came 5 ½ weeks early. He was a healthy 6lbs 6oz and PERFECT.
After he was born, Adam snapped back to “normal” for a short time. No matter what happened after that point, I knew had someone to take care of, to love, and who needed me and loved me as much as I did him. And that is just a glimpse of the LOVE our Father in heaven has for us. My relationship with my son was a clear reminder of that and Gavin became my “happy place.” We went everywhere together and I was so happy just to watch him grow.
In January of 2006, I found out I was pregnant with our second. This child would turn out to be the blessing to the world known as Adasyn. Adam and I were just tolerating each other at that point.
To be completely honest, I was DEVASTATED when I found out I was expecting. I had totally anticipated being a single mom of two at 25 years old. While I was pregnant with her, Adam and I separated.
Being pregnant at that time forced me to focus on just that – the pregnancy – and take care of my baby. I also had Gavin to love on and cuddle with. Not to mention my sister was also expecting her first. It was a huge blessing to be going through something like that together.
But the separation was not on the top of my mind. I was sad for Gavin that he did not have his dad around and I was sad for our baby that was coming because I was so unsure of the relationship she would have with her daddy, if any. And that wasn’t me being dramatic; Adam was detached from us, plus the possibility of his death related to the drug use was very real (he was 27).
Adasyn came three weeks early. She was 6lbs 13oz and PERFECT. I did not find out what I would be having with this pregnancy before the birth. When she was born and the doctor said, “It’s a GIRL!” I just remember true tears of happiness. I was SO EXCITED to have a little girl. Now, I had another person to LOVE, care for, and who needed me and LOVED me as much as I did them.
They were my focus the whole time and the true source of my happiness, second only to Christ. Adasyn was seven months old before Adam came back to the house. Before that, he had seen the kids once a week, on Thursdays, while I was at school. I was sad for them but I knew no matter what, they would have their MOM.
I found out in February of 2010 that I was pregnant with our second boy, Gage. At that time we were in Kansas. We were a FAMILY. And a HAPPY one at that! We were all so excited. But by being in Kansas, all of our family & close friends were back in Michigan. Right before I found out I was pregnant with Gage, one of my best friends from home called and told me she was pregnant (gotta love BFFs ;). So, finding out I was and being able to share something like that with her was awesome. We were only eight days apart. We talked on the phone all the time, shared belly pictures, and asked each other questions about new pregnancy symptoms. And yes, for both of us this was our third. J
We found out that we were both having boys which made it that much more cool. The kids and I spent the majority of Summer 2010 in Michigan and got to hang out all the time (Adam was on a training exercise). Being in Kansas and having her there in Michigan going through the same process helped me to feel not so alone.
Adam was able to be by my side the whole time. Beside the training time, it was wonderful. The best pregnancy for sure.
Gage came on October 20th, 2010 – eight days early. He was a WHOPPING 9lbs 5oz. And he was PERFECT. Adam was supposed to deploy to Iraq in October but his orders ended up being changed. PRAISE GOD he was able to be there. We brought Gage home and we were even more complete. Adam was such a huge help when Gage got up in the middle of the night. He helped with feedings and diapers so I could rest or take naps. It was wonderful. It was how it should be.
In January of 2011, Adam came home from work with orders for a deployment to Afghanistan. He would be leaving sometime in April. We were very upset, but we trusted God, and were very thankful that he was able to be here for me and Gage.
We had decided to move the kids and me back to Michigan for the time of the deployment so we could have help from family. We put everything we had besides the clothes on our back in storage and headed north at the end of March. He went back to Kansas by himself until he deployed. Adam left April 12th, but I was able to be with him in Kansas for the week before he left. We had a great time.
It was Good Friday 2011. I had a couple pregnancy tests left over from when I bought some with Gage. I was a couple days late but didn’t really think much of it because I wasn’t really on a schedule yet (Gage was just 5 months). I took one for the heck of it and it was POSITIVE. I remember actually Laughing Out Loud!!! I had always told Adam if he wanted four, it would have to be before he left. I did not want to have any more kids after I was 30. Boy does the Lord have a sense of humor. At that time I had been 30 for 2 months. My due date was December 26, 2011. Adam wasn’t due home until April. He had worked it out so that he would be home on the 23rd for two weeks for R&R (Mid-Tour Leave).
I told him over the phone when he called that day (10 days after he left). He wasn’t even at his final destination yet. He was so excited he cried. J The deployment was not as hard as it could have been (on me). I had three wonderful kids to take care of and another one that was growing inside me. That was my focus. It allowed me to keep my sanity. With Gracen, I believe I understood the timing, from God’s perspective of His plans for us. A few weeks later my sister had announced that she was pregnant. How awesome that was!!! We were three weeks apart going through another amazing time together.
Adam and I were able to talk almost every day. He watched my belly grow on Skype. He watched him kick on Skype. And he was there when they did the ultrasound to find out the baby’s sex… on Skype. I had my doctor appointment every month and trimesters to go through. I was able to focus on that and look forward instead of obsess over Adam being gone. Don’t get me wrong, I missed him terribly but being pregnant made it much easier.
We had found out sometime in August that their deployment was being cut short. He would not get his leave to come home. But the Lord answered our prayer another way. Adam arrived in Michigan on Saturday afternoon, Dec 17th. Gracen was born early in the morning (4:48 am) on Tuesday, Dec 20th. Adam made it home from Afghanistan to be present for the birth of our fourth child with 60 HOURS to spare. That, my friend, is GOD.
I was complete when we got to the hospital. I had been dilating for at least four weeks prior. The only reason why Gracen did not come sooner, the doctor said, was because my water did not break. It was definitely the most difficult delivery of them all but it was AMAZING to have my husband by my side holding my hand (or allowing me to squeeze it so hard that I almost broke it).
For me, at least to this point, Mother’s Day has been special. It’s been about me being a mommy and appreciating mine. But today, as I reflect and look into each one of their little faces, I am in awe of the blessings that the Lord has given us and His perfect purpose for each of them. They are a part of me that represent different parts of my life which I will never forget and a constant reminder of how God took care of me and held me in His loving arms.
And through everything, I was blessed to have my mom by my side to care for me, love me, support me, wipe my tears, and tell me that everything was going to be OK. And it was.
Even though my oldest is only eight, I feel like I just brought him home from the hospital. I have done many nighttime feedings, changed TOO many diapers, wiped many tears, kissed plenty of boo-boo’s, read a lot of stories, cuddled and watched movies, kissed them and held them when they were sick, watched their first soccer game, took them to their first day of school, and when they were scared or upset, was able to tell them that everything was going to be OK. There will be so many more firsts, many more boo-boo’s, and many more “it’s going to be OK” moments, but I would not have it any other way.
The Lord tells us in Isaiah 66:13, “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.”
Every time my mom would comfort me by telling me that “everything will be OK” I believed her and felt comforted. Now having kids of my own, when I comfort them I feel the comfort of my God. I tell them because He says so. He was comforting me with each one of them as HE formed them in my womb and gave them life.
A Tribute to Moms -
The author of this is unknown but I wanted to leave you with this… Enjoy Moms!
“Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well. She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow. She is Christmas morning. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. She’s crystallized in every teardrop. A Mother shows every emotion…………happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow….and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…….NOT even death!!!”
I want to mention something important. I have never struggled with the burden of infertility and I’m thankful to God for that. BUT, I know many of you have. Stay strong. Believe. If you have been given assurance from God and you know or believe in your gut you’re meant to be a mom, never give up. EVER! My prayers and love are with you. God’s timing is ALWAYS perfect. He’s never early. He’s never late. Pray hard and don’t ever stop until He delivers on His promise to you. He will.
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